Welcome!

Hey Everyone!

Or No One. Lol. I have no idea if anyone will ever read this blog😂 It may be more for me than anyone else, but lately life's been feeling crazy, and it's made me reflect on the life lessons I've learned. I figured, what the heck, why not? Maybe the things I've learned can help other people going through it.

Several years ago, the guy I was dating used to tease me that I was a "Kat-astrophe" (obviously a play on my first name). Though he was teasing, it never quite left me, and, honestly, I kind of liked it. I felt like it was kind of accurate to how I felt my life went--often of my own making.

Ever since I can remember I've struggled with OCD. I didn't know that's what it was until I got to high school. My junior year I took a semester of psychology, and in that class we watched a video about OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). The lady in the video talked about how she felt like she was always sinning and had a constant need to pray. It sometimes even disrupted her daily life. I remember staring at that video and thinking, "That's me." When I was younger, I'd literally stop what I was doing, close my eyes, and pray--even in the middle of conversations. My siblings were always like, "What are you doing? Praying again!?!" I'd try to hide it sometimes, but the compulsion to end the prayer properly made me often say "Amen" aloud, or at least grunt it out.

Sound crazy? Yeah, a lot of people think OCD is about picture straightening and germs, but those are only two of the multitude of possible manifestations of OCD.

At any rate, I decided that it wasn't that big of a deal with me, and, that since I could function like a normal human it was fine. I didn't need to address it. So, I kind of forgot about my self-diagnosis and moved on with life.

But it wasn't gone just because I ignored it. No, it did affect my life. It made me do weird things. Sometimes it danced with my anxiety and together they created a whirlwind effect where I no longer knew what I really thought or how I really felt. I made decisions driven by the fear these two intertwined challenges caused. And sometimes, those decisions made my life feel like a mess. A catastrophe.

So, when my boyfriend called me that, I embraced it.

I'm a lot more aware, now (mostly thanks to my sister who became very vocal about her struggles with OCD). I can generally tell when anxiety and OCD are the culprits to my feeling and thinking that my life is a disaster, but it doesn't make it easy. And, no, before you ask, I haven't yet seen a therapist. It's still on the list of things I should probably do, but, to be honest, my social anxiety at seeing a therapist and telling them all my problems scares me more than the idea of dealing with it so...🤷‍♀

At any rate, through the struggles of these mental health challenges and then just facing the unavoidable but normal challenges life brings, I've learned a lot about myself, about God, about Jesus Christ as my Savior and Redeemer, and about the strength He gives to make it through this crazy world and daily life.

So, take it with a grain of salt. Or let it reach you. Whatever works for me, won't always work for you, but hopefully, something, somewhere in one of these stories resonates with you in a way that can help you through whatever challenges or catastrophes you might be facing in your personal journey.

Here's to the lessons I've learned while livin' my Kat-astrophic lyfe!